Is adultery a sin? How to stop the lies and get rid of guilt forever
Not everything is black and white…
You get grey things.
And the truth is, affairs masquerade as a trendy shade of grey you’re tempted to paint your bedroom. Except, you’re not quite ready to commit.
Perhaps you’ll paint a wall no one will see, a hidden wall.
Buying the paint was fun. Wetting the roller, exciting.
But now, the grey wall, sometimes putrid green in the morning light, casts a somber shadow down the passage.
The more you stare at it, the more you realize the color compromises the whole house.
And on weekends just before you have friends over, you saunter past the wall with a feeling of regret, a regret that recoils happiness and looms with disappointment, the grim of an overcast day, the sorrow of a bad choice—a color that screams, “Look at this; you made a mistake.”
Only a considerable amount of white primer will hide this abhorrent color.
Colors you can’t cover
Affairs are evil. And yet, it’s surprisingly so easy to love someone you’re not supposed to.
I tell you this so that you won’t feel guilty. If you’ve fallen for a married person, there’s always the chance that you’re going through hell and feel alone.
And, of course, nobody wants to commit adultery.
The textbook answer…
Is adultery a sin? Yes. Sex outside of marriage with a married person, not your spouse, constitutes sin. A marriage covenant is an agreement between two people, a perpetual promise. An extramarital relationship—adultery—breaks the covenant, the premise on which vows stand; fidelity. According to Pastor and author Mark Driscoll, marriage consists of two important things: covenant and consummation. God equates idolatry and adultery as similar forms of unfaithfulness, unfaithful to God, and unfaithful to a spouse. The two words sound alike, and God often refers to the church as his bride. We are warned in the Bible not to commit adultery, as marriage is a covenant.
Oxford Languages describes adultery as:
“Voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not their spouse.”
But it’s not just sex that constitutes an affair…
It starts in the eyes.
And before a man, for example, lets a woman close to him, so close that he speaks to her more than his wife, likely his marriage already had signs of wilt.
Even talking to a married person in a sexual way is adultery, and that includes flirting:
“But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28
An affair can last a few days or a couple of weeks. And then it can be deemed a faux pas, a mistake.
My opinion? If a married person has a relationship with someone for months or years, it’s not an affair…
It’s a second marriage—another covenant.
According to author Ron Graham, you get 4 types of sin:
- Sins of attitude
- Sins of action
- Sins of neglect
- Sins of intent
Adultery is a sin of action, as it’s something you do, intentionally. Other sins of action include stealing, blaspheming, getting drunk, etc.
There are also 3 kinds of sinners:
You’re either a hardened sinner…
A drifting sinner…
Or a struggling sinner.
If you’ve fallen into adultery, you’re likely a struggling sinner, asking God to help you extinguish the relationship.
In the end, infidelity isn’t about your affair partner; it’s about the person you married, the person you covenanted with, your spouse.
The longer the adultery, the greater the destruction…
And the longer you live in sin.
There’s even a link between adultery and sickness.
“So I will cast her on a bed of suffering, and I will make those who commit adultery with her suffer intensely, unless they repent of her ways.” Revelation 2:22
“But a man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself. Disease and disgrace he will find, and his reproach will not be blotted out.” Proverbs 6:32-33
“The enemy is great at marketing but terrible at follow-through. He will present you a gift but never tell you what’s in the box.”— John Grey
6 Signs you’re having an affair:
- You’re possessive over your phone.
- You meet the person you like in secret or at night.
- You lie to those closest to you about where you’re going and where you’ve been.
- You take greater care of your physical appearance.
- Your routine changes; you leave the house at unusual times and “work” late.
- Your sex life with your spouse may improve at first, but intimacy feels different. That’s because there’s someone else in the room. Your spouse just can’t see them.
In Savchuk’s teaching on The Consequences of Sexual Sin, he explains that the only way to let prosperity last is through sexual purity. A divine connection exists between sexual immorality and poverty.
Fire warms you, or fire burns you. Fire in your fireplace is safe, but if you take that fire to another room, you’ll likely burn down your house.
Sex in the context of marriage is a blessing. It’s warm. It brings unity, it brings intimacy.
The moment you take sex outside of marriage, you’ll still have fun and flames—but it will cost you your house.
“Can a man scoop a flame into his lap and not have his clothes catch on fire? Can he walk on hot coals and not blister his feet? So it is with the man who sleeps with another man’s wife. He who embraces her will not go unpunished.” Proverbs 6
Adultery is more serious to God than we realize.
If you’re having an affair…
If you’re thinking of having an affair…
Or if you’ve already had an affair…
And you want to end the relationship and stop the thoughts you’re having about this person…
Then the best thing you can do today is implement the 30-day no-contact rule.
Remember: the consequences of adultery far-reach, consequences that devour a marriage—finances, relationships, and family. Adultery will infect your life like a festering, pus-filled wound.
A word we don’t like to use anymore…
Most Jewish people are rich.
I worked with a Jewaskiewitz—a Jewish man—more than a decade ago, and he wasn’t particularly smart or talented, in fact, quite lazy. Still, in no time, he landed a tech job at a big conglomerate… where he continued to be lazy yet earned a lot.
What’s the old-fashioned word no one uses anymore?
The word sounds outdated but lacks understanding. What’s interesting is…
God uses this word every day.
It starts with a C.
The word doesn’t mean the same as a contract.
A covenant is cut between people and God.
Do you know a poor Jewish person?
Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob were Jewish—and rich. And Jews today are no exception.
Mark Zuckerberg, the founder of Facebook, is Jewish.
Ivanka Trump’s husband Jared Kushner is Jewish.
Natalie Portman? Jewish.
Elizabeth Taylor… Jewish.
Yes, God still keeps his covenant with Jewish people today; he blesses them.
The first Jew mentioned in the Bible was Abraham. And the blood of bulls and goats atoned for his sins.
But… is blood involved in the marriage covenant?
When a virgin’s hymen breaks, the blood spills on both the man and the woman.
If Adam and Eve hadn’t succumbed to sin: your mate would be your partner for life, by choice.
Selfishness, incompatibility, and apathy toward your spouse wouldn’t enter your mind.
Why? Without sin, we’d live in an unfallen state. No boredom. No wrinkles. And your relationship? Blissful.
Until someone eats from the tree.
3 blood covenants
Seven covenants are mentioned in the Bible, but only three involve blood:
- The blood of bulls and goats in the old testament for the atonement of sins.
- The blood of Jesus when he died on the cross for our sins.
- The blood of a virgin when she loses her virginity.
Before I discovered the three blood covenants in the Bible, I couldn’t understand why the punishment for adultery was death in the old testament.
Clearly, God takes marriage and sex more seriously than us, and we don’t understand the brevity of, “Two shall become one flesh.“
God makes us vow to the person we marry. The fact that he insists we promise beforehand is evidence that we wouldn’t stay faithful if we didn’t enter into an agreement.
The difference between a covenant and a contract?
A covenant is a spiritual contract, and a marriage covenant isn’t just between you and your spouse…
God is the third person in the covenant.
Who is the primary witness to the agony of the hurt spouse?
With over 700 wives, did Solomon commit adultery?
The women knew of each other and likely all lived in the palace. The first wife was aware of the second wife, the second of the third… Solomon’s wives weren’t hidden or a secret. He didn’t commit adultery, he practiced polygamy.
However, God didn’t approve of Solomon’s 700 wives.
If Solomon slept with a different wife every night, each woman would’ve had sex roughly once every two years.
God has a plan for your life, and so does Satan.
I recently heard of a well-known pastor who had an emotional affair with a woman. The preacher admitted the affair to his wife, confessed to his congregation, and then to the rest of the world.
How much did adultery cost him financially and morally?
First, reputation, respect, and money. Then shame, embarrassment, and judgment.
But we’ll never really know the price he paid.
With free will comes choice. You choose who you marry. And it isn’t easy to get out of a marriage, and that’s the point.
According to Jentezen Franklin, sexual sin has 4 prevalent consequences:
- You’ll experience a loss of mission and vision;
- Your common sense will go out the window;
- You won’t fear the consequences, and
- God’s favor will dry up in your life.
The bottom line
Like a repugnant wall color you want to camouflage, in the end, an affair is usually synonymous with a cover-up.
Adultery can be concealed from people. But sin is never “hidden.”
Only God can blot out mistakes. And your Father works primarily with ONE color.
If you’re having an affair…
The indulgent moments you’re savoring…
Jesus. Died. For. Them.
If you’ve ended the infidelity, and you’re still feeling guilt and shame…
It’s not about you.
At true repentance, Jesus stands between you and the Father. And God can’t see your sin through the stained blood at his feet. The color is flawless, blinding—and too brilliant for him to notice anything else. It’s all about Jesus.
Your shame and condemnation?
Want to know what God blots out your sins with?