It’s not always what someone says but what they don’t say that frightens me.

I’m going to tell you the truth about extramarital relationships. The scary reality about adultery that’s not 100 percent spelled out for us.

Anything written in stone: God has strong feelings about.

And although old-fashioned, the words covenant and consecration get God’s attention, even in the 21st century.


Why is adultery one of the Ten Commandments? After all, it made the list. And the punishment in the old testament was severe.

God hates sin, he really does. Yet, does intimacy with someone other than your spouse warrant stoning to death?

Thank goodness we no longer abide by the laws of the old covenant.

I’d be dead.


What does God say about adultery? The word adultery is written 40 times in 33 verses in the Bible (KJV). Apart from the 7th commandment, “Though shalt not commit adultery”—which was written by the hand of God—the most frightening words spoken by God on infidelity is in Malachi 2, a passage written in the context of unfaithfulness: ‘“For I hate divorce!” says the LORD, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty. So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”‘ God sees unfaithfulness as covering “one’s garment with violence,” Malachi 2:16. And through the prophet Malachi God said, “Another thing you do: You flood the Lord’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer looks with favor on your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, ‘Why?’ It is because the Lord is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.” Furthermore, Peter taught that treating a wife with dishonor or infidelity results in a husband’s prayers not being answered: “Show her [your wife] honor and respect so that your prayers will not be hindered or ineffective.” 1 Peter 3:7

Why does God abhor adultery?

I recently witnessed a mom of three children testify of overcoming her husband’s infidelity. Even the hardest faces in the congregation softened as the woman cried and gushed. She was in pain. In agony. Her husband, who stayed with her after the affair, watched her unravel from a seat in the congregation.

When a marriage partner is unfaithful, the hurt spouse and children are overwhelmed with “cruelty” (Malachi 2:16). And God hears the painful cries of the wounded spouse.

As humans who make mistakes and don’t fully believe God’s word, we often only learn in hindsight.

The frightening truth is, blessings in marriage become curses outside of marriage.

“Didn’t the LORD make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his […]. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. ‘For I hate divorce!’ says the LORD, the God of Israel. ‘To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,’ says the LORD of Heaven’s Armies. ‘So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.'” Malachi 2:15-16

The word affair can mean an event, an incident, or an interlude; something that has a beginning and an end. It can also mean a fling, a flirtation, or a short-lived intrigue—but seldom, a life-long commitment.

In the Old Testament, God’s hatred of adultery, punishable by stoning, contrasts his merciful stance in the new testament, where Jesus, the only one without sin, could’ve stoned the woman caught in sexual immorality.

But he didn’t. Why?

Because of grace—Jesus came to be killed in our place, for the punishment of sin is death.

God gave the commandments, an unattainable standard in our own strength, apart from the Holy Spirit, to stop us from causing each other and ourselves pain.

Jesus came to fulfill the law; he never said we’d be able to keep the commandments WITHOUT HIM. The law can’t cause you to remain faithful to your spouse nor make you love them. Only a relationship with God will keep you from committing (or continuing) adultery AND help you love your spouse.

The Israelites thought they could keep the law.

They couldn’t. And we still can’t.

We always needed a savior.

In the end, God detests infidelity because the consequences of adultery ravage the lives of those involved. The Bible says:

“He who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys himself.” Proverbs 6:32

Solomon, the writer of Proverbs, is making an observation and prophecying:

You will destroy yourself if you commit adultery.

Maybe your parents are going through a divorce. Or… you could currently be involved in an extra-marital affair.

The worst position? Being the “other” woman or man.

Whether you’re the hurt spouse, the child, the spouse having an affair—or the affair partner…

God loves you.


Love doesn’t make the adulterous exempt from discipline. And a byproduct of discipline is pain.


If you’re the affair partner, the worst kind of adultery is the emotional kind, the kind where your heart is involved… when you fall in love.

When a married person wants more than a season of excitement and paints you a picture of a future together, that’s when the relationship turns dangerous, especially if they don’t believe in divorce.

Don’t get me wrong; I don’t like divorce either—and God hates divorce, but he hates it because of the pain it will cause you.

But if a married person wants to stay married AND have you, will you remain a secret?

Being able to see you whenever they want will be their motivation for convincing you to stay single. Stay ‘reserved.’

Why is this dangerous?

They’ll make you wait. Forever.

And you’ll ‘live’ in sin until the relationship ends, during which time you’re free game for satan’s minions to attack you. And this is where the real danger lies—unrepentant sin.

How many women have ‘waited’ their youth away?

If you’re attracted to a married person, extinguish the flame.

If ignited…


God assures us sin has consequences. Whether the ramifications have befallen us yet or not, whether we believe him or not. We only believe him when the consequences hit us, when it’s too late.

After extreme pain, we look back in hindsight and say to ourselves:

“God did say this would happen if I [insert thing you shouldn’t have done].”

“Can a man scoop a flame into his lap and not have his clothes catch on fire? Can he walk on hot coals and not blister his feet? So it is with the man who sleeps with another man’s wife. He who embraces her will not go unpunished.” Proverbs 6.

Consequences of adultery:

  1. Natural consequences. When your spouse or your affair partner’s spouse catches you, when your kids find out, and the symptoms and ramifications of cheating; sneaking around, lying, divorce, moral issues, etc.
  2. Spiritual consequences. Consequences that natural laws cannot explain. For example, God’s favor will dry up in your life, and your prayers won’t be answered. The Heavens will be shut to you. Malachi 2:14

Long-term affairs are the most painful

The feeling of acceptance, belonging, and “unconditional love” can be so intoxicating that you may find yourself ‘living’ in an adulterous affair for more than a decade and still call it something else.

It may even hurt you to call it an affair because, in your mind, the relationship will never end.

But the question is, who’s right? God (who can’t be wrong), or you?

My heart mostly goes out to the affair partner, as they are a misrepresented “villain” who failed to guard their heart and walk away. Furthermore, they failed to believe God’s Word concerning the consequences of adultery.

Remember the woman caught in the act of adultery? I heard a preacher say that likely the man she was having sex with (probably a Pharisee) picked up stones too… so that he wouldn’t be stoned!

The spiritual consequences of adultery

1. Sexual sin invites demons

“Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.” Ephesians 4:26-27

If anger gives a foothold to the devil—what does adultery offer satan?

An entire open door into your life to wreak havoc and raise hell!

“As God does nothing without faith, Satan does nothing without sin,” says Pastor Vlad Savchuk in his teaching 10 Open Doors to Demons. “It’s usually disobedience that opens the door to demonic activity,” continues Pastor Savchuk. “Condoms can protect people from sexually transmitted diseases; condoms cannot protect people from sexually transmitted demons.” 

Demons are transferred through sex […].
You can pick up somebody’s demon through sex.
—Vlad Savchuk

2. A divine connection exists between adultery and poverty

God blesses obedience, and he disciplines those he loves.

According to Pastor Savchuk, sexual sin is linked to poverty: purity protects prosperity. Therefore, the only way to let prosperity reign is through sexual purity.

If you commit adultery, you lose your main financial partner—God.

In Malachi 2, God declares that he will pay no attention to the prayers of an unfaithful man or woman. Adultery is more graver sin than fornication because infidelity breaks a marriage covenant.

You can worship, plead, and cry; if you’ve dealt unfairly with your spouse (or somebody else’s), the Heavens will be brass.

What the Bible says will happen to those who commit adultery:

“But a man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself. Disease and disgrace he will find, and his reproach will not be blotted out.” Proverbs 6:32-33

“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” Hebrews 13:4

“Here is another thing you do. You cover the Lord’s altar with tears, weeping and groaning because he pays no attention to your offerings and doesn’t accept them with pleasure.” Malachi 2:13

“You cry out, “Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows.” Malachi 2:14

“Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. “For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.” Malachi 2:15-16

3. The Holy Spirit will become a silent partner

If you’re a Christian living in blatant sin, you will look for an unction or impression from the Holy Spirit, but there won’t be any. And if you continue in sin, you won’t discern danger. There’s usually no warning before the consequences of sexual immorality hit.

I’ve never felt the Holy Spirit get angry, nor have I felt him leave.

4. You will lose your spiritual sight

Your next step won’t be in line with God’s purpose for your life, because you’re in sin. So you’ll go around the same mountain until you come out of the adulterous affair.

TRENDING: In Love With a Married Man? What No One Tells You About Adultery

5 Delusions of adultery

  1. “I can end it. It won’t affect me.” You will carry your affair partner with you until you break the soul tie. Some of you is in them, some of them is in you. That’s why you can’t stop thinking about them.
  2. “No one will know.” The Highest One will know: God. And satan and all the demons assigned to you. Remember, you’ve opened a spiritual door to cursing. 
  3. “Love for [affair partner] isn’t a sin.” No, but touching them is… Breaking a marriage covenant is.
  4. “I must just wait.” One year, two years, five years… 10 years? You will lose your best years and have nothing in your hand when the affair ends.
  5. When you commit adultery, you become desensitized to layers of lies. As a result, lying becomes easier in other areas of your life as well. 

According to pastor and author Jentezen Franklin, sexual sin has 4 prevalent consequences:

  1. You’ll experience a loss of mission and vision for your life.
  2. Your common sense will go out the window.
  3. You won’t fear the consequences, in most cases, even of your wife finding out.
  4. God’s favor will dry up.

The bottom line

God’s never kept quiet about his thoughts on intimacy outside of marriage.

During the limerence stage of an adulterous relationship, you long to hear a word, whisper, or whimper from your lover.

But this phase is short-lived.

What does sin, in essence, mean?

Good question.

Any sin you commit—stealing, cheating, lying—all means one thing:

You don’t trust God.

Think about it…

If you steal, you don’t trust God to meet your needs.

If you cheat, you don’t trust God to help you.

If you lie, you don’t trust God to protect you if you tell the truth.

In the words of Derek A. Cuthbert:

“All sin is selfish, whether it be lying, cheating, stealing, immorality, covetousness, or idleness. Sin is for one’s own ends, not for another’s—certainly not for the Lord’s ends.”

You can’t control who you fall in love with. But is it love?

Every person deserves at least one person in this life who’ll walk alongside them through everything.

In marriage, God wants you to experience a rare, reliable love.

Imagine this…

Your partner makes a solemn promise to you, a promise to love you and only you for the rest of your lives. 

Now listen. Adultery is a form of stealing; taking something that’s not yours. And lies are synonymous with an affair. Toxic lies.

You are important enough to God for him to give you your own person, the one he wants you to marry. There’s a place where you belong, a place where you fit. And it’s not in the arms of another’s spouse.

No matter how thrilling an affair feels—daring and defiant—it can quickly turn into a nightmare.